Sad and depressed

I haven’t posted in a long time, though I am not sure people hear me anyway. I have struggled for a very long time with depression, but it has only gotten worse since losing my mom and then my best friend or chosen sister. I have on going feelings of just wishing I wasn’t alive and wishing I could be with them. I am so tired of my heart hurting. I just don’t know how to get rid of those on going suicidal thoughts. 😢