Too sensitve

Surely I'm not the only person in there world who is way too sensitive! Sadly, I know this about myself and wish I could change it. Trust me, stand in my shoes for a day and you'll find being this sensitive is so not a fun thing. It truly takes a matter of seconds to break my heart. There are people in my life I truly know love and care about me, but as soon as they don't answer when I call, reply to a text, e-mail me back, etc. I'm trying to figure out if I've done something to make them mad or upset them. Because in my twisted little mind, everyone is on their way out of my life as soon as they walk in. Yeah, not a very fun way to live.

I've had the book "So Long Insecurity" by Beth Moore for awhile and think I truly need to start diving into it. I've started to a time or two, but I'm sure it isn't a book meant for me to read (yeah, right). Perhaps for me, it is just that sometimes the truth is no fun. Even worse though, is knowing it is true and having no idea how to change it. Ok, I do know the way to change it, "Let Go and Let God." Right? Ugh, if only it was that easy.

Ha!! I just thought of something. Perfect example of just how sensitive I am! You know how when you build a house of cards how you have to hold your breath to keep from making it fall down? Yep, that would be my feelings, the house of cards. Oh, I have moments when I try to be tough. You know, those moments when you think, "no way am I letting him/her get to me." That thought is usually followed by tears.

I can't help but wonder if we are all too sensitive in some areas. Such as something that makes someone truly uncomfortable about themselves. For example, while some guys can take some harassing about losing their hair, other guys are so sensitive about it that the first mention of it makes them angry.

I guess I've always thought that my sensitivity was due to my inability to love someone without doing so with my whole heart. I don't give someone just a piece of my heart, nope, not me, I give them the whole thing. Break down a wall and worm yourself into my heart and you can be sure that your not just in a corner of my heart will you will be quickly forgotten. If I speak the words "I love you" to you, you can be sure they aren't just passing words. They are words that mean something to me and probably not so easy for me to say, especially the first few times you hear them from me.

Perhaps being so sensitive also makes me love hugs! Of course there are people in my life I truly rather love from a distant, but then there are others that a simple hug from them seems to make everything ok. I remember when I was younger and put a note in my grandpa's room that said "A hug a day keeps the blues away." There is a lot of truth in that for me. Ok, maybe it doesn't keep the blues completely away, but being hugged by someone you care about and you know truly cares about you just seems to say without words that it really will all be ok.

So, am I too sensitive? Oh yeah! But, I don't think that is always a bad thing. If I weren't so sensitive I wouldn't be so willing to help someone who is in need. I wouldn't be the aunt, sister, Godmother, friend, etc that I am. There wouldn't be people in my life who know they could pick up the phone in a time of need and know that I would do whatever I could to help them. While being so sensitive does come with many broken hearts and tears, it also makes me just that more lovable, my dog thinks so anyway!!:)